Unpredictability
When so much of the world is unpredictable, it’s easy to feel powerless.
Studying Dharma Traditions taught me the only things we can truly control in life are our own body, thoughts and energy.
Specifically, Eastern spiritual traditions suggest control of the senses and mental fluctuations (citta vritti) as the path to the end or cessation of suffering. (See Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras and/or the The Noble Eightfold Path for inspiration.)
We each have the power within us to control our body, thoughts and energy. It is a choice.
I diligently applied this philosophy in 2020 while living in LA during lockdown, quickly crafting my routine with meditation sessions, dog walks, adventures like discovering new hikes and parks, and as many chosen family dinners as possible.
I thought, by buffering the challenge of isolation with “high vibration” activities, I would keep myself healthy and happy - as long as possible.
But still, I never felt the word “unpredictability” more viscerally than during COVID lockdown.
Being across the country from immediate family during a global pandemic (like many others), I was left with a daily phone call to learn how my parents, sister, brother-in-law, and baby nephews were navigating the uncertainty on the East Coast.
I never could have guessed that moving back to LA in the fall of 2019 would mean this severity of separation by the following spring.
Unpredictability reminded me that the most important assets we have are the things we can control - our body, thoughts and energy. Having control of these gives us freedom to make intentional choices, of and for ourselves.
This real-time realization also required accepting personal responsibility for my own agency, even and especially during times of crisis. Every day, every hour, every minute is my choice.
In the face of unpredictability, I first made small choices (like daily walks) and ultimately made a very big one.
Because, choice is freedom. And, in this world of unpredictability, the stakes are even higher.
After two years in lockdown in LA awaiting a return to “normalcy,” I finally packed my bags and moved back to the East Coast.
Isolation took a definitive toll that only my core community could heal.
This clarity was hard won and slow going. I arrived there through a series of questions I asked myself around choice.
I continue to ask: How do I want to arrange my day? How do I want to spend my time, to align with my core values? What thoughts do I want to allow to consume my mind, and for how long? How much do I want to allow a negative person to impact me before setting firmer boundaries, or letting them go? How does my body feel throughout the day? How can I better accommodate my body, my breath, my thoughts (or personal narrative)?
How do I feel? Do I feel loved? Is my heart full? Do others know that I love them? In a world of unpredictability, are my thoughts and actions creating a sense of safety and calm for myself, and others?
I still yearn for sunny SoCal, the friends, Yoga community and Nature I found there. As I dream of the life I want to create to serve me in the future, maybe taking up residency in California will be in the cards again...
But first, I know now that unpredictability is the inevitability of tectonic shifts. I know that I have and will be shaken to my core, again and again in this life.
So, what does past (little me) and future (wiser) me need most to feel safe and at peace? From how I arrange my morning routine, to where in the world I am living and creating roots for myself and my future family.
What choices do I need to make today, with the control that I have, to get there?
My preferred ways of finding balance during COVID lockdown continue to serve me:
After moving to the East Coast, I promptly signed up to volunteer at a local farm, knowing the positive impact Nature has on my nervous system, and found like-minded people who also choose to spend their time immersed in Nature. I make time for family and new and old friends, and plan more adventures, whether driving to meet family for lunch, trying out rock climbing, trivia night at a local brewery or driving in for weekend celebrations.
Freedom of choice allows me to provide myself with what I most need, even while the world around me is rapidly changing.
In this way of thinking, I am not victim to a world of unpredictability. Rather, I have the power, control and agency over my body, thoughts and energy to determine how I spend each hour and each minute, every day.
How I show up in the world is less about how others perceive me and more about how I feel within myself, living every day.
I invite you to consider:
What takes up your time? How are you spending your days? If something unpredictable happened tomorrow, would you be pleased with how you are spending your time - for yourself and others?
Am I at peace (or rather, do I feel regulated)? How can I find peace in a world that is so unpredictable?
In a world so unpredictable, consider your core values - the parts of your life, the people, the places, and the things you most love and bring you the greatest sense of contentment. How can you bring more of this into your daily life? Can you slowly build a life that entirely centers these things?
Unpredictability is a lot less scary when we know we are already living the life we most want to live.
Sending love and power to each of you individually to find the strength to amplify and restructure life in a way that is entirely for yourself, and thereby, in service to others.
I’d love to hear the ways in which you are prioritizing your time and energy now or how you would like to moving forward. Feel free to drop a note by replying to this email. I’d love to hear from you!
Well wishes as we journey forward, near and far.
In Yoga,
Amy